


You Won’t Find What I Want Underneath The Christmas Tree (Because It's You)

by VictoriaElizabxx



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate POV, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/F, F/M, Multi, Mutual Pining, jealous! Clarke
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-13 23:54:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28536945
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VictoriaElizabxx/pseuds/VictoriaElizabxx
Summary: For years, the delinquents have spent Christmas at the Griffins, enduring all of Abby's over the top Christmas spirit. This year, Bellamy brings a new girlfriend causing Clarke's world to shift. After discovering she has feelings for Bellamy, she attempts to hide them by moving onto someone new causing Bellamy to have some realizations of his own. OR my take on a Wrapped In Red AU.
Relationships: Bellamy Blake/Clarke Griffin, minor Becho and Clexa
Comments: 6
Kudos: 41
Collections: bellarkescord advent calendar





	You Won’t Find What I Want Underneath The Christmas Tree (Because It's You)

Clarke realized she was in love with Bellamy after he walked into her mom’s extravagant house for the first time in a year. The Christmas tree lights sparkled off his eyes just right and Clarke was hypnotized. Maybe it was the season or maybe it was the fact that Bellamy and she have years of history wrapped in the little town they called home. Whatever it was didn't matter because a tall beautiful brunette was trailing behind him, holding his hand. Clarke’s smile dropped from her face as she wrapped her friend in her arms. 

“Bellamy, I'm so glad you’re home,” Clarke said as she rearranged her face back into a smile, pretending her heart wasn't shattering. “I missed you, you ass!” she exclaimed while playfully swinging at him. 

Bellamy ducked away from her swings, laughing as he wrapped his arm around the girl he brought with him. “Clarke, this is Echo, my girlfriend.” 

Clarke’s world crumbled just a bit more as his words confirmed what she wanted to deny, but externally she smiled at Echo. It wasn't her fault Clarke was in love with Bellamy after all. “It's so nice to meet you, Echo.”

“Likewise, Clarke, I’ve heard a lot about you,” Echo said, taking Clarke’s offered hand. 

They enjoyed Clarke’s mom’s over the top Christmas party as Clarke and Bellamy always did—with copious amounts of spiked eggnog. She began to think that maybe she could hide her feelings after all. Until Bellamy caught Echo under the mistletoe. She watched as he swept her up in his arms and dipped her with an extra flourish, kissing her soundly. Clarke hooted and hollered with her other friends, completely ignoring the part of her that was screaming that it should be her. 

She felt a presence beside her as someone wrapped their arm around her. She looked to the side and saw Murphy standing there. “Come outside with me, Griffin.” He hardly gave her a chance to respond before he was dragging her outside. The cold bit at her skin through her red sparkly dress. “You’ve looked like you’ve seen a ghost all night long. What's going on?” 

Clarke took a deep breath of air and looked out to the snow-covered town. She wanted to deny it but there was no point so she bit the metaphorical bullet. “I think I'm in love with Bellamy.” 

A look of realization dawned over Murphy as it clicked for him. “And you just realized it tonight, huh?” 

“Yeah,” she said, blowing out a breath, watching the vapors of her breath form a cloud. 

Murphy wasn't the one she normally went to for comfort, but he wrapped his arm around her and he dropped his head on hers and she felt understood. 

They jerked upright as they heard the sliding door behind them open and turned to look at the new addition. Emori wrapped her cardigan tighter around her, shivering as she walked towards them. “Everyone’s been looking for you guys. Bellamy wants to make sure we’re all good for tomorrow.” 

Murphy looked down at Clarke and started to decline for her, but Clarke cut him off with a look of her own. “Of course we’re still good. We’re meeting downtown at 10 am, right?” she asked. 

“Yeah, that's right,” Emori confirmed. 

“Clarke, you don't have to do this.”

“Enough, Murphy. I’ll be fine. I'm a big girl. Now if you’ll excuse me, I'm going to bed,” Clarke’s voice left no room for argument as she turned and went back inside.

* * *

Clarke woke up the next morning and stretched. Her night had been filled with restless sleep, dreams of her and Bellamy drifting apart. Dreams of him finding out about her ridiculous crush and turning away from her in disgust. Shaking off the remnants of her terrible night’s sleep, she walked over to her bay window and pulled back the curtain. She admired the fresh blanket of snow that covered everything. It was like a fresh new start for a brand new day. As she admired the snow, she saw Bellamy and Echo coming up the stone driveway. They both looked great, dressed casually with no sign of the hangover that was currently plaguing Clarke. She threw the curtain back and grumbled as she saw Bellamy whisper adoringly in Echo’s ear before rubbing snow into her hair. 

She felt as though she was being petty, she should be happy for one of her oldest and best friends but she stewed in her own emotions. She sat, curled on her window seat, watching her tree twinkle and rotate, and let the jealousy settle in her bones before she heard a light knock on her door. She quickly took a breath, collecting herself, and called out for them to enter. 

Her mom entered her room and looked her over, saying nothing about Clarke’s distress painted all over her face. “Your friends are downstairs.” 

Clarke nodded and raised up from her seat. She wanted to talk to her mom but she couldn't find the words. She didn't want to bother her mom with her problems, so she watched as her mom walked out of her bedroom, closing the door behind her. She sighed deeply before walking to her closet and picking out her outfit for the day. 

She made her way downstairs, trailing her hand down the garland covered railing, and made her way into the kitchen. 

“Well, look who finally decided to grace us with her presence!” Bellamy teased as Echo let out a little giggle. 

“Shut up,” Clarke grumbled, pulling at her sweater and letting the soft material divert her attention from her greek god of a best friend. “We can't all be able to magically recover from a night of drinking.” 

“Right! I said that too but he was determined to get over here to pick you up,” Echo said and Clarke’s heart crashed. 

For a moment, it had been like it was every other holiday season, Clarke and Bellamy goofing off before heading to meet their friends, but then the reminder that it wasn't just Clarke and Bellamy came hurtling back in the form of a simple sentence. 

“What are you guys doing here anyway? I thought we were all meeting downtown?” Clarke questioned as she poured herself some coffee. 

“I thought we could go together like we normally do,” Bellamy stated, giving her a weird look. 

Clarke winced as his statement hit her because for him it was just like any other holiday season, but for her, her whole world had turned upside down. “Right, no, of course. Silly me, I just thought you guys would want time to yourselves.” 

Bellamy walked around the kitchen island and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I’ll always make time for my best girl, “ he said as they started walking away from the counter. “I just have two now.” He pressed a light kiss to Echo’s forehead and Clarke tried her hardest to ignore how much that stung as they walked to Bellamy’s car.

The car ride passed by quickly, with Clarke staring out the back window, watching all the decorated houses pass by and ignoring Bellamy and Echo’s clasped hands on the console. 

They arrived at the downtown cafe and Clarke pulled herself out of the backseat as Bellamy raced around to Echo’s side to open her door. Clarke pouted to herself as she wished that to be her. Not because she couldn't open her own door, but because she wanted him to care enough to open the door for her. As she stepped out of the backseat, she caught Murphy’s eye and he tilted his head at her in a silent question. She shook her head at him, ignoring his prying eyes, and she walked into the cafe, placing her order before sitting across from Monty and Harper. They sat in amicable silence, drinking their sugared holiday drinks and warming up before they headed off to walk around downtown to look at the beautiful ice sculptures. 

As they began to gather up their stuff to head outside, snow began to fall. Just a light dusting, but it set Monty and Jasper rushing outside, screaming about a snowball fight as everyone scrambled after them. When Clarke made it outside, she felt a hard, wet ball of snow hit her head and turned around. Murphy was standing there, whistling before looking her dead in the eye and smirking. 

“You’re dead,” she said simply before stooping down to pick up snow. She flung the snow at him before feeling more snow hit her. Bellamy was smiling a wide grin at her and she felt her heart stutter before realizing he was the one who threw the snowball at her. Seeing he was preparing another snowball, she began running and threw herself at him, immersing them in the snow. They laughed as they collected themselves, and Clarke really should have thought this through, because she was mere inches from his face—feeling his breath fan over her as her eyes flicked down to his lips. 

She pulled him down to her and their lips met softly and Clarke felt her heart rate accelerate as Bellamy pulled her closer and deepened the kiss. They were lost in their own world as a pile of snow dumped onto them. 

Clarke shuddered as Bellamy looked at her. She looked down at herself, covered in snow while he still looked impeccable. “You okay, Clarke? You kinda zoned out there.” 

She looked away from him quickly, embarrassment flooding her cheeks. “Yeah, I'm good,” she said as she pulled herself up, ignoring his outstretched hand and rushing to catch up with the rest of the group. 

“Everything ok, Clarke?” Murphy asked as she bumped into him. 

“Yeah, fine. That was probably the shortest snowball fight we’ve ever had,” she said as she felt another snowball hit her. “Apparently, I spoke too soon.” She turned around and saw a guilty-looking Jasper watching her. She scooped up snow and packed it tightly. 

“Don't go trying to kiss Jasper now,” Murphy snarked and Clarke pelted the snowball at him, missing and hitting Emori. Emori turned around, hand already loaded with a snowball and she flung it. Clarke ducked and Emori’s snowball hit Jasper. Before Clarke knew it, they were lost in an all-out snowball fight and Clarke forgot about how much she wished her daydream of Bellamy kissing her had been real. 

The snow had finally settled and stopped coming down when Clarke ran out of breath. “Okay. Okay. I give. I'm out.” She settled down into her miniature fort of protection and tried to catch her breath as she saw Bellamy and Echo heading back into the cafe. She tried to quell the jealousy that came rushing back but she couldn't help it. She wanted to be the one Bellamy was holding doors for, brushing her hair back. She wanted the daydream of them being hidden in trees, sharing soft kisses to have been real. She wanted him to wake her up annoyingly early on a day after they had partied with their friends. She shooed away the thoughts of her unrequited crush as he and Echo came back and began passing out waters and hot chocolate. 

“You doing okay?” he asked as he handed her water and hot chocolate. 

“Yeah, I'm good, just cold. Thanks for this,” she said with an exaggerated shiver, hoping he bought her excuse. 

“Good, good. You’re welcome,” he said as an afterthought while he snuggled closer to her to warm her. “So you gonna tell me what you got me for Christmas yet?” Bellamy questioned. 

Clarke shook her head, smiling at him. “Not this again! You do this every year. I'm not telling you. Wait until Christmas, geez.” 

“Aw come on, Clarke. Don't be a grinch!” 

Clarke laughed. “I'm the Grinch? You’re trying to ruin the Christmas surprise! I'm not the Grinch here.” 

Bellamy harrumphed. “Fine, keep your secrets.”

“Secrets? Christmas is like 2 days away, you dork.” 

Clarke heard a throat clearing and they both looked up, looking as if they’d been caught doing something they weren’t supposed to be doing. 

“You guys ready to go or you want to flirt some more?” Murphy questioned. 

“We weren’t--,” Clarke started to deny. 

“Shut up, Murphy,” Bellamy cut in. 

“Whatever, let’s go. Everyone is waiting for us.” 

Bellamy stood up and turned around, helping Clarke to stand as well. A flood of warmth rushed through her when Bellamy’s hand connected with hers as Murphy’s words ran through her head. There was no way Bellamy felt the same, was there? A shiver ran through her and she shook her head. It wasn't possible. Bellamy liked Echo. He wanted Echo, not her. She was just his sidekick, not his happily ever after. Maybe that was Echo, maybe it wasn’t but she knew it wasn't her.

* * *

Clarke was woken up on Christmas morning by an elbow to the face and Christmas lights glaring in her eyes. She shoved Raven away from her onto the cold floor and stretched. 

“It's Christmas!” Jasper yelled, far more awake than anyone should be at this time. 

“Shut up,” Murphy growled and Clarke felt bad that she was inclined to agree with him. 

She heard a thwap as someone, probably Emori, hit Murphy with a pillow and smiled as Christmas morning chaos began imploding around her. Her friends were with her and all was right in her world—until her eyes landed on Bellamy and Echo curled into each other. She quickly jerked her head away from what looked to be an intimate moment and watched as her parents descended down the stairs. Her mom caught her eyes and sent a warm smile her way. She sent her a tight smile back and pushed her feelings way down. She wasn't going to let her feelings get in the way of enjoying the day with her friends and family. 

By the time the cook came and announced breakfast, Clarke was ready to take on the day. At least emotionally anyway. She sat up and half of her hair was stuck out into the air. Her friends chuckled at the state of her hair as she patted down the errant tendrils, huffing irritably and walking into the dining room. 

The smells of breakfast wafted in as the servants brought in each tray. She watched, stomach grumbling, as they set down platter after platter of breakfast food and dug in after they were finished bringing it in. 

“Clarke,” Abby reprimanded lightly. “What about grace?”

“What about it? We really gonna act like we pray any other day of the year?” Clarke questioned, biting down on a biscuit.

Her friends snorted as her dad ran a comforting hand down her mom’s arm. “She’s right, Abs. We’re among friends and family here. We can just eat. No one is judging us.” 

Giving in, Abby began putting food on her plate and let the prayer debacle rest. 

They ate breakfast with cheerful conversation as someone turned on Christmas music. Clarke hummed along to the music as she crunched on her bacon. Someone nudged her shoulder and she looked over to Murphy. 

“Are you doing okay with all this?” he asked with a slight glance towards Bellamy and Echo.

“I'm fine,” she whispered. “Let it go. Seriously. I'm just happy for him.”

“Okay, okay. I get it. Fuck me for caring, right?” he said as he held up his hands in surrender. He got up to walk away and Clarke pulled him back down as Bellamy shot her a questioning eyebrow. 

“It's not that, Murphy. I appreciate it, but I'm trying not to think about it, okay?” 

“Alright, say no more, I won’t bring it up again,” Murphy huffed, turning back towards Emori. 

Clarke looked at Murphy with a sinking feeling in her heart. He was her closest friend besides Bellamy and she never wanted to hurt him but she couldn't bear to think another moment about Bellamy sitting right across from her, hands clasped with someone who wasn't her. It was a continuous punch in the gut and she had to be happy. Happy because it was Christmas, happy for her best friend—even though all she wanted to do was scream and punch the air. 

She stabbed her food with vengeance and chewed hurriedly, hoping to rush through the remainder of the day. She wanted this dreaded holiday to just be over with already. 

“Cheer up, Clarke! It's Christmas!” Jasper exclaimed as he flung some candy at her.

Clarke huffed and continued chewing on her food as her mom called for the servants to come clear away the remnants of the breakfast. 

“Time for presents, yet?” Jasper questioned.

Clarke grumbled as Abby answered Jasper by ushering everyone into their grand family room. 

“Who’s gonna be Santa this year?” Jake called out. 

When no one rushed to answer him, he pulled out straws and made everyone grab one, and of course, Clarke picked the shortest straw. 

She plopped down in front of the Christmas tree, pulling out random presents to hand them out. After handing the presents out, she watched as everyone unwrapped their gifts before unwrapping her own. She watched as her mom squealed in delight over the new diamond necklace from her dad. She saw stars dance in Raven’s eyes when she unveiled a spaceship model from Zeke. She watched each couple hand off their presents and tried really hard to not let jealousy overtake her that she was the only one there all alone. She thought she had it under control, but seeing Echo open up a bottle of her favorite lotion and the teardrop earrings that Clarke had been eyeing for months pushed her right over the edge. She tried to keep a rational head, but she couldn't. Her emotions were overflowing throughout her body and she just had to get out of the room. She rushed out on the porch, leaving everyone looking after her with confused stares. 

She sat on the porch, feeling stupid for putting so much thought into his gift while here he was giving away her favorite scented lotion and earrings she had drooled over to some girl he never even brought up before bringing her home for Christmas. Her imagination ran wild, causing her even more agony. She imagined Echo fawning over the new earrings and giving him appreciative kisses each time she looked down at them. She pictured Echo sniffing at the lotion, smelling the combined scents of freesia and English pear. Lastly, she visualized Bellamy receiving her gift and just shoving it back at her in disgust. That was what snapped her out of her pity party–she knew Bellamy would never do that. Bellamy had received some horrible gifts from her over the years, but this one, she knew he would love. 

With some of her confidence back, she stood up and brushed the snow off her pants, and walked back into the house as all hell was breaking loose. “What the fuck?” 

“Echo’s apparently allergic to the lotion that Bellamy got her,” Murphy filled her in. 

“She sniffed it and started freaking out,” Emori added. 

A sense of smug satisfaction crept through Clarke at their news. She wanted to feel guilty for feeling that way but she just couldn’t. Misery loves company and all that. Besides she could tell that Echo would be fine. She already heard her voice floating from the couch. 

As everyone settled back down, Clarke caught Bellamy opening up his gift from her. His eyes lit up as his hands trailed over the cover of the intricately designed books. His jaw dropped as he took them in completely and realized that they were very early editions of The Iliad and The Odyssey.

“Wow, Clarke. These are fucking awesome.”

He looked over at her and met her eyes and her skin burned with desire as his eyes roved over her as if seeing her in a new light, and again she wondered if Murphy had been right about Bellamy flirting with her. 

After finally getting everyone’s gifts to them, she began to rip apart the wrappings on her own gifts. She reached for Bellamy’s first and excitedly tore the paper open. She pulled out a hoodie that said ‘short best friend’, and of course, she loved it. However her heart sank down to her toes as she realized, once again, she had been foolish and was seeing things that weren’t there. There was no way Bellamy had feelings for her. 

“Oh my god! Bell! Did you get us matching hoodies, you cheeseball? I love it!” she called out as she shoved all of her emotions down again. She was determined not to let them come back up. She would not be made a fool of and she would not ruin her longest-lasting friendship for some unrequited and quite frankly, pathetic feelings.

* * *

Bellamy returned to school at the beginning of the year, freshly single. Maybe he should have been more upset about the split–the truth was, Echo was just a way to keep his mom from worrying about him being forever alone–even though he was only 25. He wasn't focused on temporary things like girlfriends while he was in school, but he did anything to keep his mom stress free. His mom and sister were the constants in his life until a certain blonde girl had bombarded her way into his life. 

Clarke had slowly become one of the most important people in his life–his shoulder that he leaned on, the logic to his emotion. Each time he left for school and came back, they always picked up where they left off. However, this past Christmas, it felt as though they were walking on eggshells and Bellamy couldn't quite figure out why. She had been jumpy and withdrawn. He thought maybe it had something to do with Lexa and their blow-up right before Clarke came back into town, but there was hardly any room for alone time with Clarke with Echo right next to him, so he left well enough alone. Though by the time they went their separate ways to go back to school, he felt as if there was a brick wall between them and there was nothing he could do about it. 

He thought he could attribute it to his terrible gift-giving skills, but she really seemed to appreciate and love her hoodie, though that wasn't the only thing he’d planned to give her. In a moment of forgetfulness, he’d forgotten to get Echo a gift and had to regift Clarke’s gifts to Echo to save face. Not his smartest moment but no one was upset by it, so he figured: no harm, no foul. Maybe that's what it was, though. Maybe she did remember that those were things she had been gushing about during the summer.

A jarring ring interrupted his thoughts of Clarke and her weirdness and he reached into his pockets, searching for his phone to stop the noise. He pulled it out and looked at the screen, feeling his heart race as he saw the picture of O and her name flash across the screen. 

“O, what’s going on?” he asked in lieu of a greeting. 

Heavy breathing and hiccups answered him so he tried again. “O?” 

“Mom’s health is getting bad again,” her tear clogged voice answered. 

Immediately, all of Bellamy’s thoughts started racing, racing back to times where he and Octavia spent hours in hospital waiting rooms, back to watching his mom’s hair fall out from chemo, back to much harder times. With five words, his sister had rendered him a panicking mess and he wasn't sure what to do about it. He took a deep breath and centered himself. He could freak out later; right now his sister needed him. 

“What did the doctors say?” 

“The cancer came back. They want to start chemo immediately to fight it as much as possible.” 

Everything in Bellamy’s world came to a sudden halt. He wasn’t sure what he expected, but to hear that his mom’s illness returned wasn’t it. 

“I—what—I—“ he cut himself off and tried to gather his thoughts. “Should I come home?” 

“No, Bell, you know she wouldn’t want that. You can’t do anything here. I can handle her and I will keep you up to date on any changes, okay?” 

Bellamy ran his hand through his hair as his other clenched the phone in his hand. “Are you sure?”

Octavia huffed through the phone, clearly expecting this. “Bellamy, you know what she would want you to focus on. I can handle things here.” 

Every bone in his body screamed to go home—to be the good son—but he knew his mom would want him focusing on school. 

“Fine. Call me if anything changes.” 

“I will. Love you, Bell.” 

“Love you too.” 

Bellamy stabbed the end button on his phone and sat on his twin mattress. He held his head in his hands and contemplated on what to do. Part of him wanted to throw his phone and scream but the other part of him just wanted to call and listen to Clarke for a bit. He wrestled back and forth with himself as he stared a hole into Clarke’s name on his phone screen. Giving in, he pressed her contact photo and ran his hand through his hair as an errant tear finally fell down his face. 

“Hello,” Clarke’s voice rang through the line and Bellamy released a breath he didn't know he’d been holding. 

“Hey,” he responded, voice a bit somber. 

He heard some shuffling as he assumed she sat down, “What’s up, Bell? Why do you sound like that?” 

He took a deep breath and prepared to answer her. “My mom is sick again. The cancer came back.” 

Apparently, that was the key to the floodgates as tears began flowing freely from his eyes. He listened as she blew a breath through the phone line. “I'm sorry, Bellamy,” she said and for the first time, it seemed as if she was lost for words. That made two of them at least. “Do they know how bad it is?” 

“O didn't go into too much detail. They’re going to start chemo immediately so I assume that means it might be pretty bad,” he said as he wiped a hand over his face and blew a breath out. 

Clarke heaved a sigh and tried to reassure him, “That only means they want to eliminate it as quickly as possible. That doesn't mean it’s bad, love.” 

“Clarke, I don't know what I'm going to do. O told me to stay in school but I feel like I need to be there. She’s my mom,” Bellamy reasoned. 

“If O said she could handle it, you need to believe her,” 

“Clarke…”

“No, you need to stay in school. You know O will let you know if it's too much,” she reiterated. 

“I just don't know what I would do if I lost my mom, you know?” he said with a sob.

“Oh, Bellamy. I can't promise that won’t happen but I can promise that I will be there if it does happen,” she said with an obvious strain in her voice. “I know it's hard, but just try to keep your focus on your studies and things with your mom will straighten themselves out.” 

Bellamy felt an overwhelming sense of love for his best friend. She was always there when he needed her. She may not always say the right thing but the words falling from her mouth never failed to bring him comfort. He took a deep breath and felt just a tad bit better. 

“So how are things with Echo?” he heard her ask and mentally facepalmed. 

“Uh, we actually broke up,” he said, awkwardly rubbing his neck as though she could see him. Clarke gasped and immediately started to apologize before Bellamy cut her off. “It's okay, Clarke. It was an amicable split. We just weren’t meant to be so we decided to cut things off rather than waste each other’s time.” 

“Still. I feel like I should know these things.” 

“It's not like it was an earth-shattering breakup, Clarke. Don't be silly.” 

Clarke let out a sigh. “Okay. Well, you know where I'm at if you need me. I gotta get to class, Bell,” she said as he heard shuffling in the background. 

“Thanks for listening, Clarke,” he said as he watched the snow begin to fall. 

“Anytime, Bell.”

* * *

Bellamy sloshed through the wet grass, pushing his wet hair out of his eyes, and patted his pockets as he searched for his ringing phone. He felt warmth flood through his body as he looked at his screen and saw Clarke’s name and picture flash on it.

“Hey, Clarke! What's up?” he answered enthusiastically, always happy to hear from his best friend. 

“Hey, Bell! I was just calling to check in on you and see how you’re holding up.” 

“I'm doing pretty good. Mom’s officially in remission again. School’s been crazy but you know how it is. How about you?” 

“Well, that’s why I'm calling!” Clarke exclaimed. “Lexa and I got back together.” 

Bellamy stopped in the middle of the pouring rain, stock-still as shock ran through him. “You got back together?” 

His mind raced as the rain continued to soak him and he couldn’t figure out why Clarke’s news was hitting him so hard. 

“Yeah! Isn't it great?” 

He picked up walking again and answered her. “Yeah, it's awesome,” he said with false cheerfulness. Bellamy couldn't quite put his finger on what exactly bothered him about Clarke being back with Lexa. Lexa was a nice girl, a bit pretentious, but he could tell she cared for Clarke and as Clarke’s best friend, that was his main concern. However, his best friend was telling him she was excited for future joint outings and here he was puzzling over his conflicting feelings. Then, it hit him like a ton of bricks: he was in love with his best friend.

  
  


The blistering heat beat down on Bellamy’s back and he wiped the sweat from his furrowed brow as he stared at the letter he had received from the Dean’s office. He was failing his most needed class to graduate and he couldn't quite comprehend how. Yes, he was stressed—between constantly commuting home to help his mom deal with yet another bout of cancer and managing all his classes–he was spread pretty thin these days. It made sense that some things would slip through the cracks, but not failing a required class. He raked a hand through his hair as he felt his stress levels rise and the incessant ringing of his phone began again. 

“Hello,” he answered in a gruff voice, not bothering to look at the screen.

“Hey, Bell.” 

At the sound of her voice, his heart began picking up and his bad mood started to ebb away.

“Hey, Princess. What’s up?” 

“Was just calling to see how you were doing, honestly.” 

“Is it super cheesy if I say ‘better now that I'm talking to you’?” 

“I don't know. Are you a frat bro walking into a bar and trying to pick me up?” 

Bellamy let out a loud guffaw of a laugh. “No, I’d like to think that I have better taste than to use a line like that.” 

“Well, that's good because I would definitely throw my drink in someone’s face if they used that line on me,” Clarke said as she giggled. “It’s a horrible line.” 

Bellamy smiled and chuckled, no longer worried about his many issues. For the moment, he was just enjoying goofing around with his best friend. 

* * *

  
Leaves crunched under Bellamy’s boots as he walked up his mom’s driveway. Spending Thanksgiving with his mom was normal. However, spending it with her knowing it was her last was not. Bellamy was lost in thought as he felt a thump against his side. He looked over and saw a football by his foot and Murphy running towards him. 

“Mind throwing that ball this way, Daydreamer?” 

Bellamy heaved the ball towards him with slightly extra force than necessary. 

“Oof. Thanks for that, big guy.” 

“Not a problem,” Bellamy said with a mock salute. 

They both began to talk at the same time and Bellamy paused, gesturing for Murphy to continue. 

“Listen, I know you’re going through a lot with your mom, but don't hurt Clarke, okay?” 

Bellamy looked over at Murphy in confusion. “Am I hurting Clarke in some way I'm unaware of?” 

“Not yet,” Murphy mumbled. “No, and Clarke would have my balls in a vice if she knew I was over here right now. Just don't hurt her, alright? She’s dealing with a lot right now too,” he said before heading back over to Clarke’s house and leaving Bellamy behind, dumbstruck and scratching his head wondering what the hell just happened. 

* * *

Aurora passed away a week before Christmas, which left Bellamy’s life in total disarray. On the night of the Griffin’s big Christmas party, Bellamy was waist-deep in grief and about halfway through a bottle of Macallan. He sifted through his mom’s belongings, separating things into piles of keep, give away, and throw out. Occasionally, he would catch a lingering smell of his mom’s perfume or get lost in a memory of her from when he was young. He was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen when he heard a slight knock on his front door. He stumbled his way to the door and flung it wide. His jaw dropped and all the alcohol left his body when he registered who was in front of him. Clarke was standing in front of him, a beige trench coat thrown casually over top of her petite body that was covered by a silky red ribbon. A gust of cold wind caused Bellamy to shiver and he quickly came to his senses and looked around before ushering her inside. 

“Clarke! It's freezing outside, what are you doing?” 

Her teeth chattered slightly and she swayed on her feet. “I missed you,” she pouted. 

“I--,” Bellamy started before promptly being shushed by an inebriated Clarke’s hand. 

“I wanna talk, Bellamy,” she started, sounding a whole lot soberer than she had a moment before. “I love you. I am in love with you. I don't know when it happened but all I know is when my days are bad, you make them better and I wanna do the same for you. You’re my best friend but you also hold the key to my heart. I love you, Bellamy Blake.” 

Bellamy looked at her with his mouth wide, not expecting those words to come out of her mouth. Every part of him wanted to show her how much he reciprocated those feelings, but she was swaying on her feet and he just knew she would regret this in the morning. He walked over to her, closed her coat, and pulled her close, kissing her forehead before closing his eyes. Hating every part of this, he finally started talking, “Come on, Clarke. You should get some sleep. You’re drunk.” 

He pulled her along to his bedroom, ignoring her comments about not being that drunk, and went to his dresser. He pulled out a shirt and boxers for her to wear and set them on the bed before walking out of the room and closing the door. Outside of the door, he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, resting his head against the door before walking to the living room. 

* * *

The next morning, Clarke woke up, groaning as the bright light of a new morning shone on her face. She fussed even louder as she recalled the events of the previous night. Biting the bullet, she hopped out of Bellamy’s bed and swung open his room door, only to be met with said man on the other side of the door. 

“Good morning,” he said as he handed her a cup of coffee. “We should talk.” They walked out to the dining room, with Clarke feeling as though she was off to the principal’s office. They got settled at the dining room table and Bellamy immediately dug in, “Do you remember?”

“Yeah, I remember, Bell,” she croaked, her voice cracking before she took a drink of coffee. “I don't regret it either. I meant what I said. I'm in love with you.” 

Bellamy gasped and she looked over into his brown eyes that were so full of love and adoration. “I love you too, Clarke. I'm so in love with you.” 

Those words encapsulated everything she ever wanted to hear in the world and she set her coffee on the table before lunging across the table and pulling him close. Their lips met as their bodies came together in a fiery embrace and she poured every single emotion she had ever felt for him into it. She wanted him to feel all of the love he was missing this Christmas in their kiss. She pulled away for a moment, catching her breath. 

“I’ve wanted to do that for so long. You have no idea.” 

“Oh, I think I do,” he whispered before pulling her back in and kissing her soundly as her arms wrapped around his neck. 

  
  


The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Feel free to come hang out with me on [Tumblr!](https://constellationbellamy.tumblr.com/) Comments and Kudos give me life and keep me fueled up :)


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